"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart, theses O God, you will not despise. (Psalm 51:17)
There was a time in my life when I was caught in the snare of Satan. I was saved and I loved the Lord, but I loved my sin more. The Holy Spirit that lives in me now and then was grieved and continually convicted me of my sin. I was most miserable. I felt far from God and even though I knew about His grace and love, satan constantly whispered in my ear that there was no way that God loved me anymore.
I was cleaning houses during that time, as I wasn't making much money with my art work. I was on my way home one day in my beat up, faded Honda. I was hot and sweaty and my rag bag was in the back seat. I felt defeated and conviction was ever upon my heart. I was shocked when a policeman pulled me over. He asked if I realized that I had just run a stop sign. I said no, I didn't. I was so embarrassed and ashamed of how I looked, how my car looked. I gave him my license and he glanced at my inspection tag, which was about four months out. He asked if I realized it was out. I answered, yes. Was there a reason I hadn't taken care of it. I dully answered, no. Did you realize your license tags are out of date? Yes. Is there a reason you haven't taken care of that? No. I just stared at my steering wheel as he asked me these questions. May I see your insurance card? I gave it to him and he told me it was out of date as well. I really have insurance, I told him. Then he glanced at my license in his hand. Your license has expired. I had no idea, but I wasn't surprised.
He went back to his car and I sat in mine, waiting. All I could think is how much I deserved this. Mentally I tried to add up how much all these offenses would cost. No way could we afford it. I thought of my husband who never got a ticket in his life. And again, I thought, I totally deserve this.
The policeman walked back to my window. He said to me, "Ma'am, I'm just giving you a warning. You need to get these things taken care of, and watch those stop signs, okay?" Shocked, I stammered, Thank you. As he walked back to his car, I heard the voice of the Lord in my heart saying, "I love you, I love you, I love you."
His love and grace washed over me like a flood.
I found there is no sin more attractive than the love of God. He truly is close to those with a broken and a contrite heart. He is my Father. Oh how I love Him.